Turning 25 was hard. I wasn't sad, or dreading my birthday but it ended up unexpectedly being a pretty hard day for me. Although birthdays are supposed to be fun days where you feel celebrated, it was actually good for me to have a low birthday. Why do we feel like we're entitled to being celebrated on our birthday anyway? I never have understood that...we didn't do anything to bring ourselves into the world. We were completely passive in the process. If anything we should bake a cake and shower our mother with gifts. Yet, every year I expect to feel honored on April 14th. So strange. I think it reveals a lot about our self-centeredness as people.
Another thought on that topic is part of the reason I had a hard birthday--lack of community. It wasn't that I didn't have people celebrate me on my birthday, it's just that none of them (except for Reece) were in Asheville to celebrate with me on that day. In college I was so used to being around my friends...going out to a fun dinner, and making the day really special. My birthday uncovered my desire to feel connected to people in Asheville, and it saddened me that it hasn't really happened yet. I've talked to lots of my friends who moved to various places after college, and are struggling with this very same thing. It's such a shock to move from an intense community of friends and family to isolation in a new place. And it's crazy that we're ending our second school year here, and we still somewhat feel that way.
It's hard to go through realizations like this, but I'm so thankful to realize that I haven't arrived yet. Transitions are so hard, but I'm excited to see how God provides for that community that Reece and I so desire here. And I believe He already has in many ways even recently. I'm thankful that God is in control and I'm not.
